You Could Eat Cereal out of It.

Children, when I clean a toilet, I don't mess around. I strip down to my blue socks, boy shorts, and tank top and get scrubbin. And I don't stop until the bowl is so clean you could eat cereal out of it.

If you were a dog, that is. And you considered toilet water to be a kind of cereal, which I admit is pretty rare. Children, let me back up here and make something perfectly clear: no matter what the circumstances, do not eat cereal out of a toilet bowl. Period. Exclamation point.

In fact, if you have any question in your mind about whether something is an appropriate vessel out of which to eat, I'm going to automatically say it's not. Okay? Just to save you the trouble of coming to ask me while I'm writing a really important poem or catching up on the sleep I lost during your first year of life.