Meet Your Grandparents! (Lemieux Edition)

You know how your maternal grandparents are in the future, but you've probably wondered what they were like in the past (or, for me, the present). So here's an overview of what everyday life was like for Cindy and Albert (whom you will undoubtedly call some cute-but-kind-of-annoying names coined by Auntie Danielle's older and more precocious children and about which I harbor not the least bit of resentment, even though she has always gotten to do everything first because she's older and a part of me maybe thought we would outgrow that at some point in our lives).


First of all, it's important to know that Cindy's hands get cold easily. Luckily, Albert has uncommonly warm armpits, so if they stick together, they can both achieve something like a reasonable temperature. And isn't that what true love is all about?

Secondly, your grandfather has a real fondness for measuring. He can hardly enter a new room without taking down its dimensions, in case he might need them in the future to resize a piece of furniture or make adjustments to his tax records.


Third, it should be noted that your mother's abiding love for beer can be traced directly to these two*.


Finally, I feel it is my duty as a communicator of truth to confess that your grandfather is so averse to the thought of waste that, upon removing a cracked wooden toilet seat from a bathroom in his house, he added said seat to the fireplace, that it might have a second life as part of our heating fuel.


I wish that incident had been a dream, but alas! When I awakened the next morning, my digital images offered no such balm to my mind. I hope this post gave you some things to think about, children. Like maybe how it might be kind of nice if it turns out we adopted you.


*I almost typed "these two lushes," but if they're both lushes, wouldn't that make me a double lush? And lord only knows what that makes you, children. Wait a second. Where did you say you were going tonight with Poni and Coaster**?

**Based on current trends, I can only assume children's names will get weirder and weirder in the future.