Colors.

You have probably noticed, from living in my house your entire lives, that I love colors. I can't help it. And what I really love is a bunch of bright colors all together, like people of varying political beliefs allowing those beliefs to complement and enrich each other rather than people of varying political beliefs attempting to ridicule and cudgel each other.

So, for your aesthetic enjoyment, here are some of the many ordinary objects in our pre-you house that happen to be delightfully bright and colorful.


My (slightly gimpy) rain-detractor.


Socks for any occasion.


My feathery fascinator (don't tell the vegans!).

The decorative apron hanging from our kitchen wall.

The decorative scarves hanging from our living room wall.

The poster celebrating National Poetry Month (just one month away!!).

The quilt I made of old tee-shirts after reading the Little House series for the eight-thousandth time.

Oh children--perhaps your father or I are infertile and unable to have you and so you are adopted and thus of many fine colors! How honored I would be to have a magical rainbow of a family*!

Alas--only time will tell. I look forward to meeting you, future humans**.

*Open-minded or racist? Vote in the comments.

**To be fair to humans, it's possible that I will be deemed unsuitable to raise them and so will become the allergy-ridden version of a cat lady, which is to say I'll become a plant lady. With a focus on edible herb plants.

Coping with Unexpected Weather (Dramatic Reenactment).

Well, children, I traveled to Chicago last week for a conference. Being the "always prepared" type, I of course wore knee-high woolen socks to keep myself warm (pictured).


Imagine my shock, then, when I got off the train in Chi-town to 60-degree weather! Walking around the city with a week's worth of luggage, a winter coat, and woolen socks made me sweaty beyond all human endurance. So I ducked into a Walgreen's and bought a three-pack of footies made of nylon, and promptly changed into them (pictured).


And by the time I'd arrived at my hostel, clouds had blown in and it was raining. Weather--who can explain it, right?!

Beer Bottles Get Cold, Too.

Most parents would sound the horn of complaint when it comes to the mismatched socks all dryers seem to leave behind. Not us, though. Why? Because we've figured out a way to put those socks to use AND make everyone's life better (and no, I'm not talking about sock puppets, though I can see why you assumed that).


See? One easy maneuver and Mom's hands stay warm while she drinks AND the surface of the dryer gets that much less cluttered. I don't like to throw the word "genius" around, mostly because this was your dad's invention.


But I guess that just means I married a genius.