Two Sets of Best Friends.

Because you're young, children, you probably think of baking soda and vinegar as merely the ingredients in homemade volcanoes. But when you get to be older and more interested in eradicating soap scum from your life, you'll come to see these two powerhouses as best friends and warriors in the battle against household grime*.

I had a glorious few hours this weekend scrubbing the tub and chrome bathroom fixtures, and managed to restore them to something resembling cleanliness. As a bonus, these powerful cleansing ingredients are easy on the environment AND on the wallet. But they're not the only pair of best friends who experienced extreme cleaning this weekend.

Your dad was out of town, children, which meant I had an opportunity to put my childhood stuffed animal, Kringle, through the laundry without enduring endless mockery. So I did. And he came out so fluffy and bright that I couldn't resist letting him sleep on your father's side of the bed. Just until he gets back, you understand. 

Probably.

Before the bath. Note the dirty, mangy coat.

*Or, if you're not prone to personifying inanimate objects, you'll just see them as baking soda and vinegar.

A Trip to the Podiatrist's (Dramatic Reenactment).

As promised, children, I write to you today with an exclusive report on my experience at Dr. Lavell's office. Because I felt uncomfortable bringing my camera into the examination room, I have crafted a dramatic reenactment of what occurred. Please note that in this reenactment, the part of me will be played by Kringle Bear, the part of Dr. Lavell will be played by me, and the part of the syringe will be played by this meat thermometer*.

The Syringe (as portrayed by The Meat Thermometer)

So I went into the office and sat in the examination chair, prepared for the worst: that my foot would never heal, that I would never walk again, that the doctor would noticed I stopped shaving the hair on my big toe YEARS ago...

Brenna (as portrayed by K. Bear)

After a brief examination and some questions, Dr. Lavell said he thinks I have (drumroll)... a neuroma**! This is good because it means my stress fracture is healed. And also because it's treatable! So he did the first treatment by injecting Novocain into my nerve.

The Injection

But he also said I have bunion-prone feet. Good thing I got married when I did -- who KNOWS what these babies will look like in a few years. So anyway, things are much happier around here. I could be walking normally in as little as a week or so.

Oh, and I got a bandaid for my trouble.

*Why do we have this? I don't know. Possibly some well-meaning relative slipped it in the silverware drawer when I was out tending the herb garden.

**In an earlier draft, I accidentally wrote "a neurosis." Thank god I'm super-paranoid about rereading--wouldn't want such a factual inaccuracy to be on the blogosphere for all of eternity. Hahahaha!!!1!11

A Chilling Return to Carbondale.

When I got back home from my trip to New York, your father was at class. But that doesn't mean there was nobody to welcome me when I walked in the door. I was greeted by a friend I have had since I was five years old.


Ta-da! Kringle Bear! And look, I said to myself upon my reentry, Kringle has a note for me!


How sweet, thought I: he's as happy to have me back as I am to be here.


But then I turned the note over.


(In case you cannot read Kringle's writing, the note says: "John touched me when you were away. Just thought you ought to know. Shaken, Kringle.")

Chilling.