Things I Wish I Understood.

Sometimes, there's an easy way to go about understanding the things we don't quite "get." For example, when someone like my cousin Marissa (who is your second cousin, once removed--it's a very ungainly relationship) wants to understand poverty, all she has to do is read a book about it.

 Or when your Auntie Danielle wants to understand about the Twitter, all she has to do is Internet it up on the Google.

But children, what I'd like to know is how can anyone possibly understand why my father easily gets a suntan that would make the cast of Jersey Shore jealous while I, your humble mother, remain roughly the color of all-purpose flour.

Sigh.

Bonus: easily understand DNA with this handy double-helix diagram! Each of the women on the stairs is a chromosome -- can you guess which one of us causes colorblindness? (Answer: none!)

Second bonus: look closely at the background, and you'll see a double-helix lamp, too! What a swirly, twirly world we inhabit!

Where the Internet Comes From.

You may have never stopped to think about it, children, but the Internet didn't just spring into existence one day. Computer people had to build it and then writer people had to string together all the words that filled up the empty spaces.

Your father is one of the latter. Here's a rare inside look at how the Internet gets written.

As you probably suspected, the process of writing the Internet is whimsical and frivolous from start to finish, much like the Internet itself.

And as you probably also suspected, the only way your father maintains sufficient stores of energy to complete the demanding task of composing the "web" is to fuel himself with hearty helpings of roasted vegetables. Like these. Now eat yours.

This Is How We Watch TV.

You know my feelings on the evils of television, children. But still, your father and I fall prey to its siren song from time to time. Unfortunately, we cannot fall prey to that song via our actual TV, which does not get NBC, but rather via Hulu (and thus the Internet), which plays all the hit NBC comedies to which we fall prey. (Could somebody diagram that sentence for me?)

So here's what it takes for your parents to relax and watch, say, this week's 30 Rock:


Milk crate plus laptop plus speakers (plus tissue box, for the sniffly one, though no names shall be named). Notice the "real" TV sulking in the background. What a whiner!