Busted!

How embarrassing, children. I've been caught on camera impersonating a physical therapist. By rolling a beer bottle along my friend's leg.

I'm so ashamed*.

*But also a little proud because she reported reduced tightness the next day.

Things I Wish I Understood.

Sometimes, there's an easy way to go about understanding the things we don't quite "get." For example, when someone like my cousin Marissa (who is your second cousin, once removed--it's a very ungainly relationship) wants to understand poverty, all she has to do is read a book about it.

 Or when your Auntie Danielle wants to understand about the Twitter, all she has to do is Internet it up on the Google.

But children, what I'd like to know is how can anyone possibly understand why my father easily gets a suntan that would make the cast of Jersey Shore jealous while I, your humble mother, remain roughly the color of all-purpose flour.

Sigh.

Bonus: easily understand DNA with this handy double-helix diagram! Each of the women on the stairs is a chromosome -- can you guess which one of us causes colorblindness? (Answer: none!)

Second bonus: look closely at the background, and you'll see a double-helix lamp, too! What a swirly, twirly world we inhabit!

Staying Hydrated.

As you well know, children, staying hydrated is an important part of having a happy and healthy vacation. Just to make sure we're all on the same page, let's review what exactly hydration means.

"Hydrate" comes from the name of the Greek monster "Hydra," who flailed wildly in the water and grew two new heads any time one of its heads was cut off. That is why today, when people drink a lot, they lose control of their limbs and see double.

We in the Lemieux / Clark / Garrity clan work hard at staying hydrated, no matter what the circumstances.

And we're not at all particular about where our hydration comes from, so long as it does not come from the tap.

Disclaimer: Please hydrate responsibly. Operating a motor vehicle while overly hydrated can lead to getting really mixed up about directions and also crashes. If you're expecting a child, go ahead an hydrate, as long as you're expecting that child for dinner or an afternoon playdate. If you're pregnant (and I hope you'd tell me if you were!), don't even think about hydrating (unless you're French, in which case you can probably drink a glass of wine every now and then without people totally freaking out at you).

Everyday Lifer Goes to the Beach!

Children, I skipped last week. Why? Because I was on a beach vacation the likes of which you can only imagine (mostly owing to the fact that you did not yet exist at the time the vacation took place). I know "live tweeting" and "live blogging" are de rigeur at this point in time, but I'll be gosh-darned if I ever adhere to rigid blogging guidelines while on vacation. So here's a full report, with a scandalous, very un-digital-age, one-week delay.

The first night of our beach vacation was pretty much what you'd expect.

Lucia and Marissa shared wine and posed in what they thought were candid, "Everyday Lifer"-friendly positions. Even though I am severely opposed to posing on this blog, I let this incident slide, in honor of the fact that it's a vacation edition.

Then Auntie Kristin documented the events of the day with magic marker in our vacation sketch book, per standard vacation custom. I guess you could call that book the original Everyday Life: Vacation Edition blog.

And finally, your grandmother did her youth-promoting, flab-reducing arm exercises, which consist of holding her arms out at shoulder height between glasses of wine.

Oh, and how could I forget: immediately upon arriving at the beach, we rushed to the store to buy three dozen bananas. Because, you know, we're all pretty much batshit crazy. Sorry about passing that on to you, by the way.