Illinois Laws.

Your father and I were happy to see, children, that his new employer takes Illinois state laws very seriously. As an environmentalist and generally "crunchy" member of society, I greatly appreciated that Kaplan Test Prep made clear in its new-employee onboarding documents that it does not condone the waste and destruction associated with unnecessary use of paper products.

Congratulations, corporate America. Another resounding victory for the planet.

Being American.

Children, it is not often that I give much thought to my nationality, except to feel mildly embarrassed about it while reading about Canada's healthcare system. But today, that all changed. For today, I received in the mail my very own copy of the Constitution of the United States of America.

This semi-sacred document was a gift from my dear friends at the American Civil Liberties Union, who apparently believe that my theoretical support of their organization will translate to financial support, which is not the case, despite the charming gift they sent me.



Naturally, I began reading my Constitution at once.



You can probably guess which Amendment I was reading when this image was captured completely by chance by your father, who happened to be strolling around our house with my camera, seeking out things to photograph.



But of course, my favorite Amendment is this one. Most likely, children, the passage of this very Amendment will be at least indirectly responsible for your existence*.

*If you're not sure what I mean by that, go back outside and enjoy what's left of your innocence.