Illinois Laws.

Your father and I were happy to see, children, that his new employer takes Illinois state laws very seriously. As an environmentalist and generally "crunchy" member of society, I greatly appreciated that Kaplan Test Prep made clear in its new-employee onboarding documents that it does not condone the waste and destruction associated with unnecessary use of paper products.

Congratulations, corporate America. Another resounding victory for the planet.

Majestic Creatures and a Recycling Problem.

Children, if I've never mentioned to you how majestic I find the gray wolf, it's probably because I long ago mailed off the notecards featuring the gray wolf that the Sierra Club sent to me in a bid to get my attention and win my dollars.
















It didn't work.

You know why? Because all my attention was focused on the fact that we had somehow accumulated FIVE lids from laundry detergent bottles. Five. Not the bottles themselves, just the lids. Why were these colorful plastic pests littering our laundry area, you ask? Because Carbondale doesn't accept their particular flavor of plastic at the recycling facility we use.
 

So I've been hanging onto them like a chump, thinking one day either the system will change or I'll do the research necessary to recycle them. But no. I go about my lazy life and meanwhile one of nature's most majestic creatures is dwindling into near-extinction.

I feel like such a wolf-hating fraud.